Butterflies

fourth time trying to post. motivation is very low. even for getting blasted at mifflin. just hoping monday will give some new, better news. just thinking too much about money and how there's no way i'm ever going to logically pay for my traineeship, no matter where it is. It's also harder now because I'm older. My first roommate is graduating when i won't be here and as soon as i get back everyone else will. But I have to go. It's been a dream for along time. even longer than i've known most friends. dreams come first. stilldoesn't make it easy though.

roommates seem to be enjoying themselves. i'm going to see what all the commotion is.

Random Day, normal

There is no beginning. Just random events that relate.

Today I'm asked to send my picture to the company I am applying to, even though they've already been looking at my CV for a week or two. Not sure how the hell a pic helps with anything. At least they didn't ask for my height (yet). The job is actually in Japan, so I'm not sure if they would be scared away by a guy that stands almost 2 meters tall.

Found out I never had to go on acad. prob. It was simple and painless, but I decided to just not ask for help and now I'm in a horrible spot.

Classes are sucking. And not a liberal arts, i'm sucking because my professor hates me and i made out with the guy next me and i failed my test, I'm getting a B in the class sucking. I'm an engineer. B's are god-sends. I'm sucking it up and because of acad. prob, which i shouldn't be on, I could get screwed at the end of this semster.

If I get screwed, I could lose my visa to Japan, although I won't hear if I got the job till Monday.

Long wait. Especially since the better one in Poland finally got back. Although that one needs an acceptance note first. Damn time. Go faster. Or slower. Whatever.

fluids is calling my name. Enjoy the day all.

Weekend Blues

The house was all mine yesterday. Parents visited and Junior finally got my ID. I washed the kitchen floor, did my dishes and cleaned my room. Sipped on a brew or two and played the guitar. I saw Sin City. I had a pretty active and productive day.

Insomnia hits.

I slept about 2 hours last night and just finished up a visit to the library. Too much stuff on the mind. I just want it to go away, but it doesn't. Keeps lingering. Just need a call or some kind of acknowledgement.
Day goes on.

Priorities

I finished an assignment, dropped Mix off at the airport, and went to work. I then proceeded to sleep and relax, knowing that later I would have to study my ass off for my test that is tomorrow morning. Instead, a person I haven't talked to in awhile stopped by and we chatted for a couple hours. Great time, but not what I should have been doing. IF I had planned accordingly and didn't do everything last minute, this little bump in the road wouldn't have been a bump at all.

T-rent and Mix are in Austin not doing what they probably should be doing, but having fun nonetheless.

All I'm saying is that I need to put fun aside a little bit right now. I think I've been having fun for the last 3 years. Doty's entry sunday summarizes the feeling saying something to the sort of "the weekend in madison was a SOBERING experience." Sometimes you have to go over the edge before you realize it was even there.

Well Edge, I've found you.

A Runner At Heart

Dody was over at our house last night. It was nice to pick the brain of an old MC member, especially since things were ran a little differently in the "good" old days. The most shocking for me, between shared puffs of the hookah, was that Dody has already ran a marathon and plans to do it again. Hookah and marathon always battled in my head and marathon never came out the winner. Now, it seemed they were best of friends.

Since I was in middle school, I've wanted to run a marathon. My biggest problem is that I don't like to do something half-assed. I either do it, or I don't. There's no in-between. Once I came to college and enjoyed the spirits and recently the hookah, it was my belief that I'd have to give up both for an extended period of time to accomplish my marathon goal. Not any more.

I salute you Dody Gunawinata for showing me the path.

I'm running a marathon within the year. Don't care where. It's gettin' done.

History

Without the past there would be nothing to learn from...

A little too much to learn from for me.

Day four will begin shortly, eliminating thoughts of the past.

A Toast

To the nights we never had,
and the games we never played,

To the feelings that were never there,
and the memories we never made...

This one's for you.

thoughts 2

here's the deal. I have a test in 5.5 hours. the only thing that shoud be on my mind right now, is this test. I have had nothing else to really do since yesterday afternoon. Doesn't matter since there's only one thing that I can think about.

this sucks.

This, considering I just matched someone.

thoughts

too many thoughts to even describe.

it's raining outside and i have a test tonight.

miniscule.